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At first he offered resistance. But eventually Madeira Desouza came to accept that somehow he was receiving images and stories coming to him from the dream world. Not from the waking world.
This realization happened during the process of puberty which for him was age ten through thirteen or fourteen. In those days he honestly did not want to accept there even was a someplace else out there (separated from the waking world) from which images and stories came to him.
Madeira Desouza did not want to believe in some other dimension of the known universe that was not his own. Yet he started referring to it as the dream world. That phrase of dream world sounded “safe” to him. What else could he have called it? He had read about it. Others named it that before he was born. So he gave in.
He also learned to accept that he felt connected to the dream world and could accept images and stories from there. But Madeira Desouza did not want that connection.
What did he see when he was there? He saw masculine men all around him while he was present in the dream world . The men excited him because these men he saw in the dream world showed their manly confidence and self-assuredness. At that time Madeira Desouza lacked both of those traits, so it seemed “natural” to him to find those masculine men worthy of his attention and admiration.
But there was a problem. He attended Catholic school where he was taught about “unacceptable” thoughts and desires and learned how he must avoid “touching himself in impure ways.” The nuns and priests taught him and all his classmates that sex had to wait until they got married. He learned absolutely nothing in Catholic school about sexual attraction which a male might feel for other males. Nothing.
He was left on his own to figure things out by himself. Controlled by Catholic guilt he repressed and denied his genuine self. He pretended to be what the Catholic Church had taught him was the correct way to turn out as an adult.
He learned to accept that what he got from the dream world was not something of which the Catholic Church would approve. But Madeira Desouza was smart enough to figure out that within the dream world there were no organized religions at all because there was no almighty deity there. Only dreams. And from those dreams he accepted images and stories directed to him from unknown influences. He took refuge there. He felt comfortable there. While he was in the dream world and while he was receiving images and stories from unknown influences, Madeira Desouza had no concerns about being judged by organized religions or an almighty deity.
The dream world influences gave him images and stories about behaviors that knew nobody in the waking world would consider to be positive or civilized. This was because he saw men during his dreaming who were involved in behaviors of violence against other men who appeared there in dreams. And while he was a teenager Madeira Desouza knew violence against men was not something he would dare talk about with anyone with whom he interacted in the waking world.
So he kept his experiences in the dream world separate from his life in the waking world. But he often wondered how great artists he admired (such as Dali and Miro) had managed to make it into adulthood without having their artistic spirit repressed or restrained by religion or by God.
During his teenage years after puberty Madeira Desouza knew that he was born to be a storyteller. But he accepted that first he would need to steer clear of all organized religions and stop believing in an almighty deity. He chose both of those outcomes for himself.
In accepting those two outcomes Madeira Desouza gained the personal impetus to keep refining and developing his skills and talents in adulthood to express himself through creating fictional images and stories using computerized applications.
And so he developed the “Madeira Desouza style” of 3D digital art depicting fictional masculine male characters in the bara gay male underground art genre known worldwide. You can download Madeira Desouza’s best art and stories here at MadeiraDesouza.com.